


Sentimental Memories

by divybread



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Love, M/M, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 16:29:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11490255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/divybread/pseuds/divybread
Summary: Eventually he has to let go of all the memories.





	Sentimental Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Based completely and entirely off of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7F4_DnRxVLY) song. Maybe listen while reading if you're into that.

It’s a quiet night. Outside the moon lights up the streets. Inside the lights are all off. There’s a little shimmer of moonlight reflecting off a blackened phone screen. His slender, pale fingers hold on to the device without much strength. He looks at the phone with an empty feeling in the base of his stomach. What more is there to say now? What more is there to do now?

_‘I love you, man, but I’m not going to do this. There’s nothing left for us.’_

He remembers all the good things they’ve done together, all the great fun they’ve had. Admittedly there were some tough times too, but is it necessary to give up all the good times for them? Apparently his lover thinks so. No, wait, ex-lover. Ex-lover, ex-friend, ex-acquaintance? What are they now?

He shifts his gaze from the phone further upwards to the window so he can look outside at the moon and the stars. The middle of the night, quiet and peaceful. He doesn’t feel quiet and peaceful. He feels… Well, that’s really it, isn’t it? He doesn’t even know how he feels. He just knows that this reality is not one he had planned nor prepared for. Getting up from the bed, he walks over to the window so he can open it up.

Instantly the sounds of the city wash over him. They’re loud, they’re harsh and the sudden honking of a car even hurts his ears a little. Breathing out a sigh, he feels his shoulders relax when the sounds seem to finally be a better match with the way he feels inside. He starts to tremble then, out of nowhere, only to soon feel the hurt finally catch up with him. It doesn’t take long before the tears start leaking over his cheeks either.

You make me feel on fire  
There's more to me than what's outside  
It's cruel to tell me how you feel  
Then expect for me to deal  
With the sting you left behind 

“Hands off.” It’s a threat, but a good-natured one. The smile is audible in the voice of the person making it. Three sets of eyes rise to look at the newcomer. “Only I can do that, you know?” Everyone starts to grin when Yixing says those words, and Luhan backs away again obediently. That finally gives him a chance to breathe normally now that he’s no longer being tickled. For as far as he can breathe normally with Yixing around.

When the dancer sits himself down next to him, he smiles a bit wider even, then revels in the way one of Yixing’s arms sneaks around his middle. He willingly allows himself to get pulled into the hug. It takes a moment, but then the lips land on his temple. The smile is instant, he sees Minseok’s eyes dart over to him but ignores the knowing little smile that appears on the Korean man’s face. It’s only because he’s such good friends with Luhan that he knows anything about this at all, anyway.

Yixing chuckles next to his ear and he can’t help but glance over to his right to see the expression take form. It warms his insides, especially when Yixing turns his face and that wonderful expression is there just for him to see.

“I love you,” he blurts out, only realising it when the sound has left his lips. The smile on Yixing’s face widens a little, although there’s surprise there too. But he doesn’t have to be afraid of rejection, because before he has even taken another breath, Yixing replies.

“I love you.” Whatever smiles do to your insides for sure can’t ever compare to the feelings those words rake up inside of you. He’s probably smiling like a love-struck idiot and Luhan and Minseok will probably tease him about this for the rest of eternity, but he honestly can’t care about that when Yixing’s face comes closer and he soon gets to kiss the one who has uttered those words.

It’s wonderful. Only a stolen moment within the busy life they lead, perhaps, but when he puts his arms around Yixing as well and they topple over to cuddle on the floor, he feels as though he belongs right there in that moment, forever.

If you wanna settle me down, babe  
You better treat me like I'm yours

_‘Please... I want to see you. Are you home? I can come by. I can come over right now. Or later. Whenever fits for you. Please.’_

The words stare back at him from the screen, but he’s the one who loses the staring contest. The screen of his phone goes dark again anyway before a reply shows. The sun rises and sets several times over as well, but his phone screen remains dark.

A month passes before Yixing is in China again. But he still grabs hold of his phone the minute he hears the news.

_‘I know you’re busy, but can we meet? I can go anywhere you are. Don’t just give up on me, on us. It was good. You know it was. We don’t have to never see each other again.’_

Again, there’s no reply. He knows it’s not because Yixing’s too busy to check any messages, because there’s an Instagram update or two for which he would have needed his phone. But perhaps Yixing’s trying to phrase his response right, so he waits.

And waits.

Yixing leaves China and returns several more times.

And he waits.

And hopes.

And cries.

And waits.

I know you don't have time for this  
But I think you might start to miss  
Our sentimental memories  
Our sentimental memories

There’s an advertisement on television which doesn’t really interest him, until an all too familiar figure appears. His eyes remain glued to the screen until the brand name that Yixing was advertising for has long gone and they’re already ten minutes into the series he was watching again. He doesn’t even remember what happened in those ten minutes. All he remembers is that handsome smile.

He figures the signs were always there. He was always more involved in the relationship than Yixing had ever been. He always dove, heart first, and Yixing always tried to keep his cool, just in case things might go wrong. Little had he ever known that Yixing would be the exact reason for them to go wrong. Well, Yixing’s fear of other people’s opinions, mostly, as well as his drive to do right by his fans and everyone else looking at him.

Screw them. Screw all of them.

He runs a hand over his face and reaches for the remote to turn of the television. In the darkened screen he can see his own face reflected, a haunted expression still ghosting over it. He hardly recognises himself in that moment, doesn’t know when everything turned to such exquisite shit.

He remembers how he met Yixing, all smiles and bows and the politest you’d ever be able to see a person. He remembers also how he lost Yixing, a text message, eyes turned away at the airport, weeks and months of silence and no words to serve as an excuse or apology.

Most of all he remembers mornings (or afternoons) waking up with no recollection of the night before because he’d been too enthusiastic about drinking his heartache away.

All along you were a liar  
I should've known this love would die  
I'm a fool 'cause you made it seem so real  
Oh, how could you just steal  
My heart and say goodbye?

His back collides with the mattress suddenly, but he doesn’t have time to be surprised by the smooth way he’s been guided over to the bed, because seconds later Yixing’s lips are on his. He kisses back eagerly, hands reaching for the other male’s sides to pull him closer. They roll over, Yixing now with his back on the mattress, him lying half on top. The kisses get sloppier, his hands start roaming, his kisses automatically follow the trail to Yixing’s neck.

It takes a while but eventually he half unwillingly pauses for a little bit to be able to swallow and breathe. Yixing looks at him with his mouth half open, heavy panting making the now bare chest rise and fall. And then Yixing starts to grin, that smug grin you give another when you’re more than aware of the arousal you’ve caused, and he can’t do anything but grin back, even start chuckling. Before Yixing can do anything else, however, he regains himself and leans in to start placing kisses on Yixing’s stomach.

He feels the muscles clench under his lips, then relax again. The next assault of kisses causes Yixing to let out a frustrated growl, his upper body coming off the mattress. The next moment Yixing’s needy hands take hold of his head and pull it back upwards. He grins smugly as he follows their lead, pulling another frustrated sound from his lover, who kisses him aggressively as if to tell him to get the hell on with it. His smile widens, but he quickly schools his expression a moment later to be able to properly kiss Yixing back.

That’s how they go, taking the lead and giving it back again as they go, hands and lips roaming each other’s bodies, until eventually they both lay sated and content, still somewhat draped all over one another. He’s allowing his breathing to even out again before moving to clean up when Yixing speaks.

“We should have way more time to do things like this, you know?” He lets out a snort, but then nods anyway, pressing a kiss on Yixing’s shoulder. He receives a kiss on his head in return and closes his eyes in content. “Maybe when the comeback and the tour are over. When we have our bit of free time. We could go home together.”

It sounds too good to be true, but he wants nothing more than to go home together with Yixing.

If you wanna lay me down, babe  
Give me all I need and more

He shoots a movie. He shoots another movie. It feels like he shoots a hundred movies.

Yixing still hasn’t texted him back.

Or called, for that matter.

But of course, Yixing is as busy as he is, even more so perhaps. Continuously trying to make things work while travelling between China and Korea. Taking planes so often is tiring and draining and he understands more than anyone how little time there is left for other things. Even something as small as texting can often feel like climbing the Himalayas.

But as days turn into weeks and weeks turn into months, he still can’t let go of the thought that maybe Yixing misses him. That maybe Yixing regrets not having enough time and that maybe Yixing just doesn’t know what to say to him anymore after all this time. That maybe Yixing feels bad for everything that has happened but that he doesn’t know what to say.

And so he sends another text.

And another.

And another.

And waits.

I know you don't have time for this  
But I think you might start to miss  
Our sentimental memories

Months turn into years.

Yixing doesn’t text back. Yixing will never text back. He figures that out somewhere in the middle.

And so, he gathers everything that reminds him of their time together and throws it out. Discreetly, of course, making sure that no one can find any evidence of their being together even if they would go through his trash.

The pictures are the last to go. He deletes them from his hard drive, burns whatever paper copies he has and finally removes the last one from his phone.

Life continues as if there never was anyone who made his heart beat a million times faster.

The world spins as it always has.

I know you won't make time for this  
So I got nothing left to give to our sentimental memories  
Our sentimental memories

Movies.

Television programs.

Music recording.

More movies.

More music.

More television programs.

He sometimes thinks of Yixing and aches.

The cycle is never-ending.

I know you don't have time for this  
But I think you might start to miss  
Our sentimental memories

I know you won't make time for this  
So I got nothing left to give to our sentimental memories

Eventually he lets go of the last things he was holding on to.

The last memories.

Eventually he lets go of Yixing completely.

I know you won't make time for this  
So I got nothing left to give to our sentimental memories  
Our sentimental memories

_‘Hey man, it’s been a long time. I’m near your place all through tonight and tomorrow. Wanna meet?.’_


End file.
